Fix You Up

I felt you in my heart before I even met you... I felt you in my life before I ever thought to.

Love...

It holds many meanings to many people. It is filled with connotations and expectations. It is blissfully happy and tragically sad all wrapped into one little word that can make or break a person. It is thrown around so much but not meant enough. To be in love... it is a glimpse of the eternities it holds unimaginable happiness for those who Cherish it as they should. Love is not a game, it is not a step that you must take, it not something you check off on your list.... Oh we have held hands and kissed and i know i need to be married soon so i must love her.... It can not be planned and once said, it is out there and it must be dealt with. The whole idea of it is that love opens you up to a person in a way no one else will ever know. You will never love another as you have loved me and I the same.

Even now I think about things and I know they were not right and never could have been and I really did not even want them to be but regardless love is still there. It is not pinning I want you need you love it is pleasant happy I can move on and that you can I can not make it leave and I would not if I could. I opened my self up and it was good until it wasn't any more. I have learned that not every one is going to tell you the truth and most of the time people are just as confused or more so than you. We are all broken the point of love is to find someone who loves you as you are and as you will be. Someone who will fix you up better than you were before while you do the same for them. Until then i am happy as I am now =]

JUMP!!!!!

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Maria Robinson



So this might blow your mind but I have officially deiced that there is no such thing as a wrong choice. You can pray, ponder and list pros and cons but in the end you are still left with that same choice starring you in the face. As I have been pondering where to go with life I have often passed up awesome opportunities in fear that it was the wrong choice. SO with this conclusion in mind I am jumping on in. Life, you can throw what ever you want at me but I am moving forward. Every bad choice I have made before has taught me an amazing life lesson and the good choices have left me with great memories. Either way God put us on this earth to gain experiences and learn. How can I do that when I am constantly looking for the right answer, sometimes there is no right answer. Cut and dry, black and white... they don't exists there is always an exception, always another view. Whats right for you is not right for me and whats right for me now wont be right in a year. So I'm throwing all that to the wind and taking the chance. I would much rather look back and say wow that was dumb than to think what if I had. So here I go ready to dive on in head first =]

A Whole New World...

"The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
~Allan K. Chalmers

So I am now on my fifth week as a real life college junior and it is thrilling. The classes are challenging, the people are interesting and the campus is so much fun. I had a lovely job interview today with a charming lady by the name of Heather. It was going oh so well till she asked the dreaded question... What are your weaknesses? AHHH I knew it was coming and could not think of anything..... Blank.... so what does Sarah do... why BABBLE of course. But in the end I think I evened it out. maybe.... kinda... The job would be perfect but God has a plan so well see where he leads me. If I get this job I will get to live rent free WOOO. I really can not wait to move to Orlando. I happy as can be walking around on campus but when I leave to go home this horrible trapped feeling begins to ascend over my body... no good. When it all come down to it though I know I am in the right place for me. Despite all the kicking and screaming it took to get me where I am I know Heavenly Father has a plan for me and it will lead me to happiness now and in the long run.

What a mess!

What is a mess you may ask... well if we ask Webster the definition is actual Sarah Michelle. It is kinda crazy actually I mean it is a little disturbing to open up the dictionary and find out you are the epitome of such a word. I mean look .....

Mess
-noun
1.
a dirty, untidy, or disordered condition: Sarah's room was in a mess. ...
2.
a person or thing that is dirty, untidy, or disordered.
3.
a state of embarrassing confusion: Sarah's affairs are in a mess.
4.
an unpleasant or difficult situation: sarah has got into a mess.... again
5.
a dirty or untidy mass, litter, or jumble: a mess of sarah's.

I mean if the dictionary says it, it must be true... right? What type of mess have I gotten my self in now you are probably thinking (or maybe not) but lets just say it is quite the mixture of those definitions up there. We can start with this question...


How so you know when to say good bye? It is the question that has been plaguing my mind and messing(see) me up for the past week. When to say good bye to a friend, a place, a job, a town, and yes a love. Basically when do you know that it is time say good bye to EVERYTHING you are used to. I have my self in this vicious cycle of ups and downs that is really getting old. Do I move to Orlando or move back in with the parents when neither seems right. Do I hold on to those friendships when those who I hold close to my heart throw it away oh so easily. Is it worth it to have hope that they'll see that I care even when they don't? And what about that one.... He says the right things gets you all in a tizzy about your fairytale visions and then well makes promises you aren't sure are so keepable (is that even a word) or at least they weren't last time. But time changes all right and maybe this time is for the better? So many things have gotten crazy and I wonder is it wrong to hope that it'll work out and I will get the fairytale that I have dreamt of. In the past I have always been one to hold on, to hope for the best and know it will work out, but maybe this time I need to be the big girl and say good bye...

Good BYE to the past and HELLO to the future... but who knows maybe my old ways arent so bad. Lets just say its all quite the mess. Oh and did I mention my house sure needs to be clean too?

LiST LiST LiST

So there seems to be this rencent itch going around to let every one know a number of things about your self.... a list you could call it. So i seem to have gotten the list itch. So I have been pondering the numerous things I could list .... when days gone by what 17 or 25 or 52 things do I want people to look back and say that sums her up. Well here is a few things that I have come up with.

1. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and wouldn't have it any other way.

2.My life was incomplete with out Kristie A. Keyes. She has been my rock and the days that she hasnt been with me were some of the darkest. She can make me laugh like no other and we dont have dances made up to every song we just know each other too well.

3.I dance constanly.... always moving.... usually at inappropriate times but it makes life easier.

4. I loose my self in a good book... so much sometimes it is unhealthy

5. I forgive too easily and I dont think it is a problem

6. I want to travel the world and see things I could never have imagined..... which should be impressive cause I have quite the active imagination.

7. I hate clothes numerous times I have had to rush to my room when someone knocks on the door

8. Texas is my second home but find my self missing it more and more

9. Mashed poatoes are heavenly

10. I hate clutter and messes unless they are mine or Kristies

8. I have been told I am the worst girl ever.... I burp, dont clean up after myself, would rather be out side, am afraid of comitment like no other .... list goes on and on

10. I have a wiener dog named penelope michelle and I love her more than any boy.... and she is a wierdo

11. A pretty smile on a guy make my knees go weak

12. I am always cold

13. I cant wait to be Florida Gator... oh the things that await for me there

14. I believe in love like no other.... this belief can not broken no matter how many times I am

15. I like to run... I am horrible at it, have no stamna for it, but let me tell you it sure make the tough things more bearable.

16. Music makes the world go round... finding a song that embodies how i am feeling at that very moment gives me faith that I am not alone in this world. I wish that i had a soundtrack to my life.

17. I love the sky day or night.

18. The smell of rain is my favorite it makes me happy

19. I always try to see the good I can not say a bad thing about a person with saying or at least thinking something good even if it is a stretch like.... they have even features or real straight teeth

20. I dont think before I speek sometime I think I should but I couldnt hold it back even if I needed to.

21. 20 seemed to be so old but now it is just around the corner and I still feel so small

22. Regrets are something I have learned not to have every mistake makes me grow and prepairs me for somthing better

23. I think trust and commnication are the most important things in any relationship you cant have one with out the other and you cant be close to some one if either is missing.

24. The beach makes most of my problems seem small it is my happy place

25. I wish that I were a balloon