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Saturday, August 15, 2009

What a mess!

What is a mess you may ask... well if we ask Webster the definition is actual Sarah Michelle. It is kinda crazy actually I mean it is a little disturbing to open up the dictionary and find out you are the epitome of such a word. I mean look .....

a dirty, untidy, or disordered condition: Sarah's room was in a mess. ...
a person or thing that is dirty, untidy, or disordered.
a state of embarrassing confusion: Sarah's affairs are in a mess.
an unpleasant or difficult situation: sarah has got into a mess.... again
a dirty or untidy mass, litter, or jumble: a mess of sarah's.

I mean if the dictionary says it, it must be true... right? What type of mess have I gotten my self in now you are probably thinking (or maybe not) but lets just say it is quite the mixture of those definitions up there. We can start with this question...

How so you know when to say good bye? It is the question that has been plaguing my mind and messing(see) me up for the past week. When to say good bye to a friend, a place, a job, a town, and yes a love. Basically when do you know that it is time say good bye to EVERYTHING you are used to. I have my self in this vicious cycle of ups and downs that is really getting old. Do I move to Orlando or move back in with the parents when neither seems right. Do I hold on to those friendships when those who I hold close to my heart throw it away oh so easily. Is it worth it to have hope that they'll see that I care even when they don't? And what about that one.... He says the right things gets you all in a tizzy about your fairytale visions and then well makes promises you aren't sure are so keepable (is that even a word) or at least they weren't last time. But time changes all right and maybe this time is for the better? So many things have gotten crazy and I wonder is it wrong to hope that it'll work out and I will get the fairytale that I have dreamt of. In the past I have always been one to hold on, to hope for the best and know it will work out, but maybe this time I need to be the big girl and say good bye...

Good BYE to the past and HELLO to the future... but who knows maybe my old ways arent so bad. Lets just say its all quite the mess. Oh and did I mention my house sure needs to be clean too?
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